Browse Professor Quotes

I've never been a fan of outdoor classes, you're all paying too much money to sleep in the grass. In this class, you can sleep sitting up.
—Prof. R. Bailey, Geology Dept. on why we're not having classes outside.
Your not a real journalist until you gotten drunk at an open bar while covering an event.
—Prof. Bill Kirtz, Journalism, Editing Fall of 98
Imagine if you had an orgasm every time you gave a homeless man a dollar . . .
—Professor DeAngelis- IntroPhil 1700
This experiment requires a rod. I don't have a rod.
—David Barkmeier PSY1111 on split brained patients
Come on, guys, I'm being faceticious! Laugh a little!
—Ultra-militaristic, but awesome Prof. Haleem trying to get Mid East Pol class to laugh about...something.
I was rated near-genius on my English exam, but on the Math...let's just say it could have been matched by a fairly dextrous monkey.
—Professor Ingram
if you're gonna be a journalist, you gotta know how to make mac'n'cheese.
—Jim Chiavelli, Journalism 101. (on how journalists tend not to see the finer sides of life financially)
I think I'm deaf in my left ear ... What do you think I should do? A solitary earmuff. Perhaps something like an eyepatch, but for my ear... I feel it would give me an air of danger that my personality is severely lacking.
—Professor Ingram ENGU 111, on his newfound deafness
Damn your posterior is banging.
—an anonymous P.T. professor explaining the locations of posterior and anterior plains.
He's either talking about a toy or your aparatus.
—In reference to a poem with some suggestive language in it. Professor Rotella, Contemporary Poetry.
All you women can go ahead and masturbate, you're not killers.
-Professor Setta
—A Discussion regarding masturbation and its relation to ancient goddess worship.
Even as low as a C student and you can be a presidential canidate.
—Prof. Hiltz referring to W
So what's going to be on the midterm? Just a bunch of stupid questions. Piece of cake.
—Prof. Tim Hilliard - Pathokinesiology
Almost like being in the womb again; I can understand why people leave.
—Porfessor Rotella, Contemporary Poetry, explaining the new heating system in his office building.
You all know who I'm talking about. The young woman with the charming navel.
—While discussing celebrities today, Brittany Spears' name escapes his mind. Professor Rotella, Contemporary Poetry.
Some people like to say that minerals grow up in the ghetto...
—Professor Naylor, Physical Geology, GEO1212
If you can't afford the Wall Street Journal, steal your neighbor's.
—an anonymous business ethics professor
A struct is a special kind of class.
—Professor Rasala, COM1101 Algorithms and Data Structures 1
...or else you'll get the 'White Screen of Death.'
—Professor Rasala, COM1101 Algorithms and Data Structures 1
Evolve from massochism... become a sadist, instead of beating yourself, beat others!
—Prof. Hiltz during a lecture regarding St. Jerome
Even the natives call it Indian-No-Place
—Professor Hiltz referring to Indianaplolis
Welcome to the wonderful world of acadamia. - In respose to someone saying that the readings were too difficult.
—Prof. Murray Foreman
I've met a lot of stupid people before but I've never heard a stupid question
—Professor Graham Jones - Organic Chemistry 1
The rest of you can either work on your project, or.....work on your project.
—Professor Gladys McKie, Public Relations Practice Before dismissing the class.
In America you have a great saying, it is as clear as your mother
—Prof. Poupko while explaining a calculus problem in MTH 1107
It is not a study guide...it is a guide to assist you in studying...(looking very confused).
—Teaching Assistant Bernard Zenelli
... you think you can just have all your rich fathers pay for you when you fail out of school, dont you? Well my mother and father were dead, so they couldnt help me out!
—Prof York guiding his students in a fit of rage when test grades didn't make the cut. May 8th, 200
Sometimes I'll think and fall off a cliff, Sometimes I'll think and go to somewhere extraordinary
—Professor Daniel Faber Soc 1146- Environment and Society
When one door closes another one opens. But it sure is hell in the hallway!
—Professor Cane, American Literature 2
The Great Depression was after 1946...
—Unnamed Professor
The easiest insertion is at the head.
—Proffesor Proulx, Algorithms and Data Structures 1.
The last thing you want to do in this course is to think.
—Professor Casey, COM 1130 Comp. Org. & Design
Student asks Prof after the test, Do you curve? Prof answers, Yes. Student: How? Prof: I take the Stack of papers and throw them down the stairs. Whichever paper gets the farthest gets an A!!!
—Prof. Kent, School of Engineering Technology
See this textbook its a piece of shit....go return it and buy yourselves some beer with the money.
—Professor Swain Introduction to Science Phy1121
At the speed of light folks! At the speed of light...congratulations!
—Professor Bernstein, PMD 1313, Physiology
I'm going to leave it at that....If you don't understand it, whatever
—Civil Engineering Prof.
It would be hard to breathe if we didn't have air
—Professor Asai, World Music.
The purpose of this class is not to learn, but to get thorough the material.
—anon
If you want to find out about that tattoo, you'll have to check with my girlfriend.
—Professor Casey, COM1130: Computer Organization and Design
This is the operator for my shorts!
—Professor Proulx, Algorithms and Data Structures 1
Too bad the fungus doesn't have a brain to enjoy the sex that it is having...
—Prof. Charles Ellis, Genetics
It's like climbing a mountain cliff upside-down; you love it.
—Professor Rasala, COM1101 Algorithms and Data Structures 1
There are SO many things you can do with a blackboard that you can't do with a notebook.
—Professor Rasala, COM1101 Algorithms and Data Structures 1
The pointer points to the pointee.
—Professor Rasala, COM1101 Agorithms and Data Structures 1; regarding C++ pointers